How the Mighty Fall
by Kryptonite8
Summary: Years in the cage went differently than years in Heaven or even on Earth. The first time Lucifer was in the cage he was alone. He had never been so utterly alone before. I don't own supernatural or Lucifer.
1. Pain

**Years in the cage went differently than years in Heaven or even on Earth. The first time Lucifer was in the cage he was alone. He had never been so utterly alone before.**

**How the Mighty Fall**

**Pain**

The first thing he felt when he landed in the pit was agony. Every part of his grace screamed for the pain to end and he was ashamed to think about how easy it would be for him to kill himself right now.

His wings had once been so pure, white and magnificent but now they were broken. Feathers had fallen the same way he had and the remainder were scorched black from the fire that had burnt around him as his own brother cast him from heaven.

_Michael_

He felt bitter as he thought the name. He wanted to hate him. He _needed _to hate him. But he couldn't hate him. The malice that he felt was not directed at his brother but rather at himself. He could still see his brother's cold eyes as he told him what God had told him to do. And then his cold unforgiving stares as he followed every word.

After all, who could disobey their _Father_?

He could.

And now he was to rot in the middle of nowhere for the rest of time.

Pain. Hatred. _Fear_.

How could anyone survive eternity alone?

How could _he_?

He was alone. He could no longer hear his brothers and sisters as he lay in the pit and it was as if a part of his being was removed. It had hurt him more than The Fall to know not one of them had stood up for him and he had known they'd be frightened but no one had even thought to stand up _with _him. It hurt.

He knew his brother, Gabriel, would be too aghast at his plan so he had not told him of it before he had walked into the throne room and instead _felt _rather than saw his confusion and fear. Like all angels he was not one to disobey his Father or show what he really felt. He silently wondered whether he had stuck around in heaven for long. He _knew _his Father and he _knew _he would run away like the coward he was. After all, he couldn't even do this punishment himself.

He wondered whether it had been God who had ordered Michael to cast him out or whether he had chosen to do it himself. He shook that traitorous thought away as he bitterly noted that God wouldn't have disagreed with it either way.

He thought about his family. Regardless of what Michael had called him-

_A monster. Selfish. Jealous. Appalling._

Lucifer loved his family. He loved all of them; from the youngest, weakest cherub to the oldest and strongest archangel. Michael.

He loved his brother as he loved his Father, and even as he kneeled in the dirt alone, wings broken and folded against his back and shoulders, with pain woven into every fibre of his being, he _loved _his Father.

But it was love that had landed him here.

To escape he had to learn to hate.

**Next chapter: Hate**  



	2. Hate

**How the Mighty Fall**

**Hate**

He spent the first couple of years screaming for someone to rescue him. He screamed until he could scream no more and had then he began praying.

Silent prayers filled with tentative requests and apologies.

_Father, I'm sorry._

_Please Father,_ _let me out._

He had even swallowed his pride and began begging; both silent and out loud. Whispers, screams, shouts and whimpers. He did them all. He couldn't stand the silence that was his only response.

The truth was he knew his father would not rescue him and he knew time worked differently here than outside, not that he had any idea of how long he had spent in here regardless.

He also knew he wasn't sorry for what he said, what he had believed.

What he _still _believed.

Humans were blemishes on the pure skin of the Earth.

God had claimed their imperfections were what made them perfect.

Lucifer couldn't help but snarl at that thought. They truly were made in his Fathers image. Both were imperfect. Both were murdering creatures with no regard to the creatures the tortured and left in a pit to die. Both were horrible fathers. Both were cowardly and couldn't even punish their children themselves instead of creating soldiers to do it for them. Michael, his Father's perfect little soldier. He made glass appear in his hand only to smash it into his cage's wall. It shattered the silence the same way it shattered; quickly and disappointingly transient.

He knew half way into his thoughts he'd stopped thinking of the humans. After all, they could not hold his mind for that long. They were insignificant.

He _hated _them for what they had caused though he knew they couldn't be blamed for his Father's mistake.

He could almost hear his brother's voice.

_Always blaming everyone but yourself._

He no longer knew who had said it. Michael? Gabriel? They were the only two he had ever properly listened to.

He had loved all his family but love and respect were two very different things.

He had respected his Father, Michael and few others.

He wasn't rude to his family. If anything it had been the opposite.

He had treated all with the kindness they deserved but when he needed them most...

He had _helped _them all. With _everything. _Could they not _see _that? Could they not _remember? _

Did they comprehend how much he had cared about them?

He was so sick and tired of being taken for granted.

* * *

They probably didn't even miss him.

**Next chapter: Sorrow**

* * *

A/N- Thank you for the review Seyram :)

My future updates will take more time but since you reviewed I figured I might as well finish 'Hate' and update.

This chapter was shorter but don't worry I'll try to update again tomorrow. Prefer yourself for anguish as I prepare the next chapter- 'Sorrow'


	3. Sorrow

**How the Mighty Fall**

**Sorrow**

It was roughly into his hundredth year that he had stopped praying. It was when he'd stopped screaming, begging for help. To be rescued had been his only request. It was then that he realised they either couldn't hear him or didn't care.

_Or both_

Before he had begun his silence he'd sent out one last prayer to his Father. After all he was omniscient, omnipotent and omni-benevolent, so he should be able to hear and care right? Apparently he was wrong.

_God, my Lord in Heaven. I used to call You 'Father'. You used to call me Your son. Your Morning Star. I know now that I stopped being Your son the moment You had Michael cast me out. You never stopped being my Father but I will not cause You any further shame by continually referring to You as that._

_ I know now that I was not sent in here to repent, otherwise I would have left by now. I understand – no, I know that You cast me here so that I would leave Your sight. So that I would not turn the others to doubt. So that they could follow You blindly. I know but I do not understand. Are my brothers and sisters so weak that after seeing me cast down they'll still love You? Are You planning on keeping them there from love or because they are frightened of You? Of what You would do to them? I loved You. I loved Michael. He taught me to fight. He taught me to create. He raised me and tried to keep me from trouble. Out of all my brothers, out of all my sisters and despite Yourself you still had HIM cast me out. It was cowardly and sadistic._

_ I hope Your little soldier slave brings You joy now that You realise how incapable of emotion and thoughts he is. He, like You, is a coward. You created us. You knew how we'd end up yet You did it anyway. You are not all-knowing, all-powerful or all-loving like You and Michael have claimed. You are blind, weak and cruel. I loved You and perhaps if You were capable of Mercy I'd love You once more but You are not and I cannot. Perhaps You are my Father by birth but we both know that's all You could ever be to me._

He sat in the dirt like a primitive creature and just felt the silence cocoon him like a safety blanket.

He felt his grace throb and every part of him ached and once again he though how easy it would be to kill himself. He knew if he could cry then he would. He knew this was the closest he could come to it.

He just sat there. For a month.

**Next chapter: Anger**

* * *

Thank you for the reviews :)

I know this wasn't as 'sorrowful' as it should have been but I found it hard to write (I should stop picking random emotions). I tend to physically hurt whenever I'm upset so I lash out and become angry. Therefore, this chapter had more than one hint of anger in it rather than sorrow and ironically the next chapter (Anger) will probably have more sorrow in it.

I'll try to update soon. If you want you can message me with specific emotions for me to do after 'anger'. I was thinking of doing some of the seven deadly sins now (wrath = anger etc.). Joy will be the last chapter and it's already planned.

Next chapter will be longer I promise (I've already started it)

I know this chapter had a lot of capital letters but I was told direct God pronouns have to be capitalized.


	4. Anger

**How the Mighty Fall**

**Anger**

He had realised of course that self pity wasn't going to get him out of his cage.

It was nearing his 250th cage year and he had by now been everywhere in the pit. He knew it could only be opened from the outside. There were 600 seals but he guessed that to open it he only needed to break 66. This was, of course, impossible from the inside.

He also was horrified when he found out what the first and last seal to be broke had to be.

A righteous man in hell? It defied all logic and he was expected to believe this so-called righteous man would break? Of course not. That was his Father's plan and he knew it was created to keep him inside.

As for the 66thseal? Well, he had to admire the poetic justice of that. Goading Lilith into becoming a demon was after all what had got him in this cage in the first place. It seemed to be only right that killing her would break him out.

A sweet thought but in reality it was near impossible to kill her.

His Father had created the perfect cage. The criteria required to open it was so obscure and near impossible that it assured all that it would never be opened but the fact it was _not _impossible was created to give Lucifer hope that one day he'll escape his own personal hell.

The sheer genius of the design angered him more than anyone would ever know. It was a constant taunt to him rather than a beacon of hope his Father may have meant it to be. Then again, his Father had gotten his favourite brother to lock him up here a quarter of a millennia ago so perhaps he was sadistic despite what he had been brought up to believe. Despite what _Michael _had believed.

His anger was directed at three creatures.

The first were the humans. _Obvious_; didn't need explaining.

The second was his Father. Cowardly, enjoyed his pain and had extreme punishments. Too prideful.

The third was his brother, Michael. Michael, he loved. Michael who had abandoned him to his fate and had been the one to seal it. Michael, the brother he adored but also the one who would kill him if he left.

Would he be able to kill Michael if his life depended on it? If his revenge depended on it?

He hoped it wouldn't come to that. He hoped he could convince Michael to join him, to understand him.

Lucifer was many things but an idiot was not one of them.

His brother was devoted to their father. He had cast his own younger brother to this cage. The brother he had raised himself. Michael had been given a chance to refuse to do it. Lucifer wished that even if Michael had not stood up for him that he'd at least refuse God's request.

But they both had known it was a test. A test Michael had passed and a test where the prize was that Lucifer would never see Heaven again.

Even if one day he'd escape he knew he'd never be welcomed back.

* * *

Could of been better and longer but I'm tired :(

I'll update again by Tuesday (I'm spending the weekend with my family)

Next chapter might be 'Envy' but I haven't decided yet

Thank you so much Seyram for your continued support and reviews :)

Thank you Ares2444 too for reviewing :)


	5. Envy

**How the Mighty Fall**

**Envy**

He would deny it for the rest of his life but as he paced back and forth he realised he was jealous of his Father's creations.

He thought of the wild animals; how they could kill without reprobation. Did they get sent to an eternal punishment for doing what came naturally to them? For doing what was necessary? Most importantly he thought of how they didn't bow down to anyone or anything. Unless of course, they deserved it or overpowered them.

Humans could not overpower him and neither did they deserve to do so.

But that was not why he felt envy and resentment for the 'mud monkeys'. He knew they were not worthy of his Father's love. Nor did they deserve his siblings' blind worship.

They could be forgiven regardless of their crimes and that was not fair. Sure, his Father had created a hell for the worst of them but those who lied and cheated? They merely had to ask for forgiveness and they would receive it.

He remembered a human woman telling a child not to lie, that it was wrong and that he should always be honest. The irony was that by telling him that she too had been lying.

After all, had Lucifer kept silent and lied about his love for the creatures his father had created then he would not be in his current state of imprisonment. He hated the humans and envied them at the same time.

They could be forgiven. They could lie. They could sleep.

He wished he could sleep. After a millennium with only the silence as his companionship he wished he could just lose consciousness for a while, if only just to pass the time until he reached his freedom. He wondered how many more millennia would have to pass until he was set free, until he _escaped. _

The silence scared him. It reminded him of how alone he truly was, of how his family had forsaken him. He used to shine so brightly and smile so widely as his brothers and sisters laughed with joy and fledglings danced and played around them. Now he was a dark beacon in the desolate, derelict desert of dirt and broken promises. After all, he had promised to protect his family and love them. They in turn had promised the same thing to him.

He thought about the family that had left him behind and wondered whether they felt guilt. Could they? He certainly couldn't. Though, what reason did he really have for feeling guilty?

His whole 'body' ached with a need for it to end. He had no idea what he really wanted to end. His captivity or his life?

He had listened to the humans before he had told his Father the truth. He found their conversations amusing but they were never the most intelligent creatures. He had talked one of the snakes into persuading Eve to disobey God. She had caved in so easily it was horrifying.

Eve hadn't been the first woman created contrary to what many humans would believe in the future. Lilith was created first and would always be Lucifer's favourite of the two. She had been created at the same time as Adam and when asked to bow down before him (as the angels had later been asked) she refused. She, in a way, had been an inspiration. She had believed herself as Adam's equal and she had every right to in Lucifer's opinion. After all, angels were not confined by gender so why should gender dictate the humans' lives? Lucifer couldn't help but be jealous of Lilith. After her refusal she had been able to escape to the desert where she became demonic and stayed with her fellow demons.

God had sent three angels to get her back but she had refused even when they had threatened to drown her. Lucifer had found it amusing despite Michael's attempts to persuade him of the implication of the matter. Lucifer admired the young woman he had convinced to become demonic. He had helped twist and darken her soul causing her to have powers no human had until she, herself, was no longer human. She killed children with a smile and twisted men's hearts into committing atrocities they hadn't the imagination to even think of by themselves.

And yet she was free while he was not.

Alas, Lucifer admired his masterpiece and he wanted her to be free, to remind the mortals and all of heaven of what he had done and what he was capable of.

He had been hurled into the abyss but that did not mean he was any weaker.

No, but he _was_ tired.

So tired,

He just wanted to sleep until he was free.

* * *

Thanks again for the reviews. I was planning on updating yesterday but to be honest I had writer's block. This is the longest chapter I've written so far though with the emotion I picked I had expected it to be the shortest. A pleasant surprise in my eyes.

I hope you liked this chapter! I'll update again as soon as I can :)

(In case you thought some of the words are spelt wrong, just remember I write with the British version of the word)

I have no idea yet what the next emotion will be so I'll accept suggestions and requests.

Also, has anyone actually bothered to work out how long Lucifer was in his cage?

Assuming the cage has the same time as hell then 1 month on Earth is equal to 10 years in the cage. Assuming Lucifer has been in there since the start of human civilisation (about 12,000 years ago on many accounts) that means he spent 1.44 million years in the cage. A _very _long time so is it really any wonder he wanted revenge?


	6. Nostalgia

**How the Mighty Fall**

**Nostalgia**

By now he had lost track of how long he'd been in his prison. Keeping track had depressed him and he had given up. He refused to be reminded of how long he'd been in his cage, knowing meant losing hope and that was something he refused to do. The thought of escaping was all that got him through each day.

His wings were still not fully healed and he wondered if Michael had meant to destroy them in such a manner. They were a daily remainder of the price he paid for his disobedience but Lucifer had stopped trying to heal them a long time ago. He had no need to fly as of yet and he had other uses for his power.

He felt his grace soar within him as he thought of his latest plan. He knew he couldn't go to Earth yet so he decided to create his own little world in the cage. He had started small, not with living things because that had been near impossible to create when he was younger and right now he had to be careful with his grace like he had needed to be when he was younger.

He started with the weather. Every day had been overcast, dark and what he used to describe as depressing. He started with light, he wanted to _see_ and feel the warmth on his skin like he used to. At least that was what he had thought before he had actually succeeded with his wish.

The light reminded him of the place he used to call home and the warmth felt _wrong. _He couldn't remember what the sun used to feel like. The light was the exact image of what Earth experienced when God had created the sun. The thought should have filled him with pride but he just felt sick.

He had no one to share his victory with, if he could call it that, and the light burned his eyes after being in the dark for so long. He got rid of it completely and the cage became cold and dark once more. He supposed he preferred it this way. The light merely reminded him of what he couldn't have and the warmth made his wings ache as he remembered the fire that had engulfed him when he fell from heaven.

The sun's warmth had once embraced him but now he couldn't stand to be anywhere near it's heat.

He wished he could cry so that the water would cool him down. He rested for a while to recover his strength before trying again to change the weather. This time he made the sky cry for him.

The rain felt nice and cool as it landed on him and washed the dirt from his face and wings. He looked up to watch the rain descend and it landed on his cheeks falling to the floor like the tears he could not shed would.

It soothed his aching wings and he preferred to the rain's soft drops and iciness to the fire he had felt when the light had shone on him.

He used to travel Earth when it rained because he had loved the smell of the rain hitting the soft dirt and luscious greenery that covered whatever part of the Earth he had decided to roam. He had spent several hours in the Amazon rainforest just walking in the rain and listened to the soft sounds of muted trickling sounds as the travelled down the large leaves. He had watched as monkeys had hoarded their young for safety and shelter. He had heard as animals called out to each other, in warning and in worry. One small bird had fallen to the floor after trying to fly for the first time in the rain. Lucifer had picked up the panicked creature and spoken soothingly to it. He had no idea whether the bird had understood him or not but it had calmed down and he dried it gently before letting it fly back to its home.

The incident had reminded him he had spent longer on Earth than he'd meant to and it had began to grow dark, the soft light that he had seen through the cracks in the canopy were beginning to dim. He had hated the dark. The light reminded him of heaven with his Father and siblings and he had hated the thought of them being gone. He still did.

When he had returned to heaven he had heard rumour that his Father was planning on creating new creatures and he had wondered what animal God would create this time. He had always found God's creations amusing and some were adorable (not that he would ever admit that to his brothers). He had loved the way the felines had curled around him and snuggled into his touch. He had adored their purring and how they did whatever they wanted. Michael had predictably preferred the canines. He preferred the fact they were loyal, fierce and strong. Michael reminded Lucifer of a wolf, lone or otherwise, he always had the respect of everyone; he was an alpha, a leader.

Lucifer had reminded Michael of a panther. He like them was strong, smart, aggressive and feared. He wasn't the oldest or largest of angels but no one doubted his fighting skills. Panthers were and still are evasive predators. People rarely see them in the wild. The panther had been called 'the ghost of the forest' because of how stealthy it is. Lucifer too had been excellent at hiding so that he wouldn't be found. It had been a skill that had come in handy any time he wanted to get away from his responsibilities. He had grown up to become quite solitary.

Of course, he had loved to spend time with his family but they exhausted him and he had to learn early on to always say the right thing to avoid upsetting them. It was both a skill that kept him out of trouble and a skill that had never worked around Michael or his Father, both of them seemed to always know when he was avoiding certain truths (he never lied).

He missed heaven and hated all reminders to it but he couldn't help his thoughts wandering down memory lane in a brief trip of nostalgia.

He knew he'd never be welcome back into heaven but in the short time between escaping and being killed by his brother, he hoped it would rain so that he'd be able to have one last walk through the rainforest.

* * *

The next chapter (Hope) will be the penultimate chapter and after that will be the last chapter (Joy). I might start another supernatural fanfic but not yet.

Thank you all who favorited/alerted this story. Thanks for the reviews again.

I'll try to finish this story by Wednesday as I'm going on holiday.


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